Diary of the Mistress
The noise around me couldn’t have been louder than the thoughts screaming in my mind, nothing could grasp onto my attention, my worst fears on my frontal lobe. The shop was hot and dry, a few men sat around and told stories, occasionally joining each other in chuckles. This would usually be relaxing for me, but not today, the inside of my head chaotic and overwhelming.
“You good, man?” E.J., my barber, asked as he used the towel to brush my shoulders off.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up and pulled my wallet from my pocket, handing E.J. the money before forcing a smile onto my face. “I’m straight, just tired.” I lied, I wasn’t fine.
After saying goodbye to everyone, I made a beeline towards the exit, climbing onto my bike and sliding my helmet on. The heat was hot against my skin as I sped through the somewhat busy streets, my main focus on making it to my destination.
Standing up straight, I took a deep breath before beginning to walk forward, unsure of how this all could play out but I needed to know for myself. As I entered into the building, the air conditioning felt heaven like, the sweat on body instantly drying. Clearing my throat, I forced myself to walk up to the counter, the receptionist looking up at me with a small smile.
My chest ached as my heart pounded.
“Hi, how can I help you?” She asked, pushing her dark brown hair from her face.
“Yeah, I was wondering if I could visit someone.” My voice cracked as if I was a teenager going through puberty, but it didn’t seem to raise any red flags.
The lady turned to her computer, typing in something and gazing back up. “Name?”
“Abraham. Abraham Blake.” I mumbled, nervously chewing on the inside of my cheek.
“Okay, his visitors are limited to family only. May I ask your relation to the patient?”
“I’m his cousin.”
My heart drummed inside of my chest, making loud thumps into my ears as I stared down at Abraham’s feeble and lifeless body. Dozens of tubes ran into his veins, a masked attached to his mouth pumped air into his chest. It was difficult for me to see with the tears swollen in my eyes, his light skin covered with black and purple bruises.
For a moment, I didn’t know how to breathe, realizing that this could be the end of my life. As much as that terrified me, I didn’t regret my decision, Abraham being in a coma doesn’t change the fact that he abused Ashton over and over again, not just physically.
Within the time that I stood there, I found myself beginning to silent pray to God, the man that I only call on when I’m in a crisis. I held my hands over my face, exhaling through the cracks in between my fingers. Gaining my composure, I knew that it was time for me to leave before someone caught me.
Just as I grasped onto the brass knob of the door, it was yanked from my hand, my head shooting up to meet the gaze of whoever was standing there. In that instant, my heart dropped deep into the pit of my stomach, sweat automatically forming on my brow.
She looked just as surprised to see me, her chocolate irises squinting. I was convinced that she knew who I was, but by the way that her eyes traveled across my face, she didn’t, but it almost as if she was trying to match my face with a memory.
“Who are you?” Kim asked, pushing a thick black curl behind her ear.
For a moment, I stood there, unable to speak. Swallowing hard, I trailed my tongue along my lips and looked down at my sneakers. “I’m his cousin.” The lie wasn’t as easy this time.
Kim stayed silent for a few seconds as she put the overnight bag down onto the floor and walked over towards Abraham. When brushed past me, a whiff of her tropical perfume invaded my nostrils, the fabric of her jean jack touching my arm.
“Sorry.” I nervously mumbled, rushing back over to the door and grasping onto the handle.
“They said he might not make it.” She whispered with a crack in her voice.
With my back turned, I could see her face through the window on the door, a lump growing in my throat. “Oh.” Was all I managed to croak out, dropping my head again. “Do you know who did it?” I asked, terrified of her response.
My pace was accelerated, the fact that Kim didn’t tackle me the minute that we locked eyes baffled me, either she knew who I was and was playing along, or had no idea and actually believed that I was of relation to Abraham.
Either way, it was messing with my mind.
“No.” She mumbled, sounding as if she was crying but I didn’t turn to look, I didn’t have the heart to, because as much of an asshole as Abraham is, his wife doesn’t deserve to be hurting like this. “I couldn’t see the face of his attacker.”
“Oh.” I said with a lot of more enthusiasm this time, a feeling of relief washing over me. Suddenly, a smile crept onto my face, my heartbeat beginning to steady.
“Whose son are you? Kim asked, my lips instantly curling back into a frown.
As I cleared my throat to make up yet another lie, her phone rang, Kim picking up a second later.
“No, this is his wife.” I heard her mumble into the phone, my chance to escape.
Taking a deep breath, I grasped onto the door knob again, pulling it open and rushing out before she could stop me.
After Chris stormed, out of the house, it was like I was paralyzed. Stuck in place, my hand somehow reached my mouth to muffle my cries, my mascara streaming down my cheeks. Heart ache is something that I’ve grown familiar with in the past year; our relationship has been sinking for some time now.
With every ring, my heart grew weaker, I felt like I could vomit the minute that the chirpy receptionist picked up.
“Dr. Feinstein’s office.”
In that minute, I wanted to end the call and act like the idea never crossed my mind, the nurse speaking into the phone made me realize that there was no going back after this decision.
“I wanted to see the doctor.” I mumbled, my voice cracking and more tears escaping from the corners of my eyes.
“And what is your reason?
“I want an abortion.”
The lids of my eyes were heavy as I attempted to watch the football game on TV, my son laid across my lap, my hand softly stroking the center of his warm back. For the tenth time in the last five minutes, he sneezed, using the sleeve of his spider-man pajamas to wipe his nose.
Running the tips of my fingers along his short curls, Anthony turned onto his back, looking up at me with puffy red eyes.
“You hungry, man?” I sighed, putting the back of my hand to his forehead to feel that he was still running a temperature.
Anthony slowly nodded his head, pouting a bit as tears began to swell in his brown eyes. “I want mommy.” He whispered before crying all together.
“Shhh..” I picked him up, laying his head on my shoulder and softly patting his back. Grunting, I stood to my feet, trudging towards the kitchen. As I pulled out the bottles of medicine that Sasha bought, I racked my brains to remember the dosage that she had explained before leaving this morning, nothing coming back to me.
In that minute, I grew frustrated, if I Abraham would have paid me, Sasha wouldn’t be working extra shifts and she’d be here to help me with our son.
“Shit.” I mumbled to myself, leaving the liquids of medication on the countertop and walking back towards the living room. Placing my son down onto the couch, I laid a thin blanket over his legs, before rubbing his head. “I’ll be right back, okay, man? You gon’ be okay?” I softly asked, Anthony nodding and shutting his eyes.
Easing the door shut, I sat down onto the bed and leant back, sliding my cell phone from my jean pocket and taking a breath of confidence before turning it on. Throughout the whole morning, I recited the speech intended for Abraham, his promise of an advance never falling through. The phone was cool to my ear as I listened to it ring and ring, just as I was about to pick up, a female answered, my heartbeat quickening as I hadn’t prepared for this to happened.
“Hello.” She asked, my brain instantly clicking that it could be his wife.
“Hi, is Abraham around?” I inquired, nervously chewing on the ends of my nails.
“No, this is wife.” She mumbled. “My husband isn’t available, he is in the hospital right now.”
“Last night.” Abrahams’ wife paused for a second, inhaling and breathing into the phone. “Someone broke into our home and he was attacked.” I could hear the tremble in her voice, almost like she was at the verge of tears.
“Is he going to be alright?” My words trailed off at the end of my statement, once I remembered Chris asking about Abraham last night. My gut reaction was to get off the phone with her, convinced that my shaky voice would make her think that I know something, when I don’t. Well, almost.
“No, he’s not. He’s in a coma.”
I was at a loss for words.
After ending the call with Kim, I stood up from the bed and walked over to the dresser, staring at myself in the large mirror attached to the wood. I couldn’t help but worry because if Chris had anything to do with Abraham being injured, I’d be responsible as well. Although, my love for Chris runs deep, I have too much to lose. Unlike him, I have a family, something that I cannot jeopardize.
My body broke out into chills as I waited in the cold examination room, chrome medical instruments sitting on a tray next to me. Sitting in the silence, forced me to think about what I was about to do, kill my child. A part of me felt ashamed, my thoughts on abortion so strong, yet here I am, ready to do it. The part that hurt the most is that Chris doesn’t know, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was doing him a favor, almost as if our baby was making him feel trapped in this relationship.
I don’t want that to be the reason that he stayed, so I will set him free.
With a few taps on the door, Dr. Feinstein walked in, her gray curls perfectly falling onto her shoulders. “Hi, Eliza.” She smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling.
Clearing my throat, I forced myself to speak, the dry lump in my throat making it feel almost impossible. “Hi.” I murmured, the minute that words fell from my lips tears did as well, my hands nervously trembling against my bare knees.
Dr. Feinstein took a deep breath, walking over to me and wrapping her arms around my shoulder. Slowly, I embraced her as well, the touch from any human seeming to appease my pain momentarily. Water fell down my cheeks and onto her perfectly creased lab coat, her soft hands stroking my back through the thin hospital gown.
“I know, it’s hard. Are you sure this is what you want? You know we have other options as well.” Dr. Feinstein mumbled, standing up straight and crossing her arms.
Wiping my face, I quickly shook my head, the thought of my son or daughter running around the world without me felt even worse. “No, I’m sure.”
Dr. Feinstein nodded her head before turning around and pulling my chart from the holder on the wall. I watched her attentively as she opened it, looking back up at me with a small smile.
My sneakers screeched as I rushed across the floors towards the elevator, the doors shutting before I could slide my body through.
I let at a low grunt, rubbing the back of my neck and turning around to see Kim opening Abraham’s room door from the end of the hall. I practically ran down the hall, turning the corner and letting my back rest against the wall.
After a few minutes, I poked my head out to see that Kim was nowhere in sight, my breathing slowly returning to its normal pace. Loud vibrations escaped from the pocket of my jacket, my hand snatching it out before the ringing could begin.
“Hello?” I whispered, glancing around to make sure that no one was following me, paranoia getting the best of me.
“Why’d you want to know where Abraham stayed at?”
“Michael?” I asked, scrunching my face up, unable to recognize the voice.
“Yeah. Why did you want to know?” He asked again, no hesitation in his voice.
“Don’t worry about it, man.” I sighed, not wanting to get him involved in this whole situation.
“You don’t understand. I just talked to Abrahams’ wife, he’s in a coma, Chris. I have to worry, because I gave you his address.” Michael hissed.
Taking a deep breath, I let my head fall back, turning the corner and walking towards the elevator again. “Just- don’t worry, I’m handling it.”
“Chris, please tell me you’re not responsible for this.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see Ellie, my feet stopping in place. Michael continued to talk, but I had managed to tune it out, watching as Ellie walked towards the elevator as well, her face nearly turning a shade of ghostly white once we locked eyes.
“Mike, I’m going to have to call you back.” As I hung up, I could hear him trying to stop me, my finger pressing the end action before putting the phone into my pocket.
Ellie hesitantly met me by the glasslike doors, crossing her arms over her busty chest and looking up at me with glossy orbs. My eyes followed the path that she had just taken, stopping at the door that she exited out of, the top of it decorated with a sign that read ‘Dr. Feinstein, OBGYN.’
It took a few minutes for me to match the puzzle pieces of why Ellie would be here, her occasional sniffles only making me surer that she did the unthinkable.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered before quietly sobbing.